My friends, have you ever experienced something that breaks your heart and makes you laugh at the same time? Last year I experienced such a moment and I would love to share it with you. You see, in that moment of conflicting emotions I found myself inspired to learn more about prayer. I know inspiration can happen when we least expect it. I just never guessed it would happen while I fought the urge to cry and laugh. So please, come on in and sit down. It’s a little chilly this morning so I made some hot chocolate to warm you up.
Let me tell you about Goldie, Bessie, and Sophie. You may think I am talking about my Mother’s friends from Mahjong, but alas, they were the names of my daughter’s beloved (and departed) goldfish. I had no idea how hard it would be to take care of goldfish. My husband and I were plunged into a world of PH balanced water, smelly fish food, filters, and rock cleaners. I advise you to visit the University of “Google” to research goldfish care before you let your child play any carnival game that lists “goldfish in a bag” as a prize.
Goldie and Bessie were the first to join our happy home. All went well for the first two weeks until Bessie came down with fish tail rot. I don’t want to go into all the details as to how and why fish tails can rot, but let’s just say it isn’t pretty. As Bessie’s tail began to disintegrate, Goldie started to follow her around the tank and constantly nip at her. In the beautiful, innocent eyes of my daughter, she found it sweet that Goldie was”helping” Bessie get around the tank. Unfortunately, all that “helping” landed poor Bessie into the tank filter where she met her end. My daughter was the one to discover Bessie and ran crying into my arms. My heart broke as I hugged my child tight and watched my husband mouth the words, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
Call me naïve, but I just assumed everyone knows the first rule of Fish 101. It’s the unwritten (but quite clear) rule that states that when a beloved fish passes, you are supposed to place it in the toilet, have your child say a quick goodbye, say a prayer and then flush. Guess what? My husband clearly did not know the rules of Fish 101. As I comforted my crying child he came back into the room and mouthed, “I took care of it.” I gave him a confused look to which he responded with a hand gesture indicating he had flushed her down the toilet. In return, I gave him the look I usually reserve for my 2 year old before he is placed in a time-out. I mouthed back (while shouting in my head) “She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye! You better figure something out!”
Are you still with me? Anyone want marshmallows in your hot cocoa? Trust me; this does lead to laughter and my own Judaic inspiration.
My husband leaves the room and comes back with a huge ball of toilet paper in his hands. My daughter was then led to believe that Bessie was wrapped deep inside the toilet paper ball. The whole family walked to the bathroom and my husband carefully placed “Bessie” in the water. We then encouraged our daughter to say something nice about her fish. “Bessie loved to swim around her mermaid statue. I’ll miss her.” Sweet right? Then it comes to me. I wanted to say a prayer that would celebrate G-d and comfort my child. Only two prayers came to mind. Since the blessing over bread was clearly inappropriate, I went with my other choice which was the Shema. In that moment, I realized how much more I wanted to connect with prayer. Why did I only know a couple prayers by heart? What prayers did I want my children to know by heart? What prayers did I want to be a constant in my family’s life? As it turns out, after talking with Kreine, the Shema was an appropriate prayer. Kreine, this is your cue to add a comment!
And now here is the moment that led to laughter. After reciting the Shema, we had my daughter flush. Tears flowed as the water went down. Those tears quickly turned to cries of horror as our toilet became clogged and the ball of toilet paper (or Bessie in my child’s eye) quickly began to rise to the top threatening to overflow. Now my child was sad and traumatized. I hugged my daughter and hid my head in her hair while I bit down peals of laughter. How could I not find humor in such a ridiculous moment?
By the time Goldie and Sophie passed, my husband was properly schooled in Fish 101. Both fish would have their proper goodbyes without clogging the toilet. Unfortunately, we did have a slight “hiccup” when it was time for Goldie and Sophie’s farewell. As we flushed Goldie and Sophie, one of the fish decided to make a last hurrah and start swimming in circles. Realizing one of the fish was still alive my children started to scream and cry. Unfortunately, it was too late. That’s why if you ever ask my daughter what happened to Goldie and Sophie, she will tell you that they went to visit the ocean next to Florida before going to be with G-d. How is that for creativity on the spot?
So now I ask, what prayers inspire you?
Lorraine goldstein wrote...
Hi, I'm Lorraine Goldstein, Aren Leib's Memere Bubbe (grandmother (French) grandmother (Yiddish)). The courts of California have given us… just as many other grandparents are doing these days… the privilege and honor of rasing our granddaughter. She’s #6 that I’m raising… so here’s another chance to get it right! :-) (Too bad, none of them come with operating instructions or maintenance manuals! G-d sure has a boat load of faith in us!) I must be doing something right.
Aren's in her 3rd year of Hebrew school with Kreinie, and can't wait for Sunday mornings to go to school!
Aren was quite upset with Kreinie for taking a "summer vacation" after her 1st year of Hebrew schooling came to a close... but that's another story for another time.
While enjoying our time together with cocoa & marshmallows, I just had to add our “fish” saga as well.
It all started after my father had passed in early 2000. I had been there on and off (mostly on) for nearly 2 years already and stayed on for several more months to help my Mom. During that stay, we had a family wedding to attend. The first outing without my beloved father, and I was concerned as to how mom was going to manage without her partner of 52 years. To my astonishment she did exceedingly well. I really needn’t been concerned… I come from a family of survivors, (of hard times & hardships we all face in life) and so why should I think this time would be any different?
On the tables the centerpieces were Peace Lily’s in clear vases with a Beta fish in it! Jokingly I said to mom, “See, Dad’s still here with us too, I’ll bet you he makes sure you “win” the centerpiece to take home so you won’t feel so alone or lonely when I have to leave, so you’ll still have “something” instead of “someone” to care for and talk too!” Well… guess what? Yup, she got it. She decided to call him “Pitou”, an endearing French name that she would occasionally call my dad. We bought Pitou a small aquarium and believe it or not he lived for 6 years!
Every year we visit my Mom in New Hampshire. When Aren came with us the 1st time she met Pitou. She helped mom care for him and would have “conversations” with him several times a day, telling him where she was going or where she had been – Aren was 5 1/2 . A few months later Mom called to say that Pitou had gone to fish heaven. Aren was so upset… now Granamaman (what she calls my mom) would be all alone. She went out and got another one. Who she named “Pitou 2”. Aren ended up talking us into getting one for her too, and you guessed it she called him “Pitou 3.”
Well, Pitou 3 didn’t fare so well. After about 4 months Aren came home to find Pitou 3 belly up. She was so heartbroken and cried her little eyes out to the point there was almost no consoling her. (We had recently gone to a funeral and she listened while people eulogized the decedent, and was profoundly moved by their words.) Thinking quickly, I told her to go write a eulogy for Pitou 3 and we would hold “funeral services” for him when Pepere Zeyde (grandfather (French) grandfather (Yiddish)) got home from work.
Well here we all were in our little ½ bathroom standing over the toilet… each in turn bidding Pitou 3 a fond farewell along with Aren’s eulogy, and then she said we had to say the Shema for him, which we did. Aren then flushed the toilet & off he went to “fishy heaven”. Then all of a sudden Aren started crying hysterically again. Now what? “How will anyone know he was even here?” she cried. Suddenly, she said “don’t go nowhere…wait right here…I’ll be right back.” Off she ran. My husband and I looked at each other bewildered. Aren came back a few minutes later with a great big grin and with a piece of blue construction paper folded in half with the name Pitou 3 in bold letters and proceeded to put it on the shelf above the toilet. Aren proudly stated that he now had a “headstone” (“just like the dead people in the cemetery”) so that anyone who came to our house to visit would know he went to fish heaven where he now resides with Hashem “just like we will some day!”
C. Lorraine Goldstein wrote...
Well, just a quick (or not) post regarding another "fish" story.
Aren's pet fish, Goldilocks, passed last week, leaving Callie (a calico fancy finned gold fish - just like Goldie) all by herself in the big tank.
Aren was very emotional and cried hysterically at the loss of her buddy. She asked if she could call Zeyde at work to let him know right away that Goldie had passed. I told her it was okay but she would have to stop crying because he wouldn’t understand what she was saying… she agreed.
Once composed, she made the call. Just one slightly overlooked little detail… as soon as she heard Aaron’s voice on the speakerphone she broke down into heart wrenching sobs telling him in garbled words, between sobs, that Goldmfmfmf was dead! To which my husband responded “WHAT? Who told you? When?” in a terrified shriek of horror! He misunderstood her - thinking that great grandpa “Goldstein” (Aaron’s father who has been in the hospital CCU ward since 1/5/10 and not doing so well. I think she took 10 years off his life! He was so relieved, and thankful, when he figured out it was Goldie and NOT his father! I felt horrible… I had momentarily forgotten about my father-in-law’s condition! Oy gevalt! I couldn’t get to the phone fast enough to calm Aaron’s fear that his father had passed! Finally, peace and harmony returned to the Goldstein household.
Aren arranged and held "services" for Goldie along with what has now become a "family tradition"!
Aren had more questions about, how we as Jews, handle the death of a loved one. She decided to go into “mourning” for her “child” Goldie like in the “old” days. She went to her room and emerged a few minutes later all dressed in black! Headband, dress, tights, shoes…. And said that was all she was going to wear from now on to show respect! Oy gevalt…again! She wanted to sit Shiva!… I am happy to report that this too has passed! Life’s lessons can be s-o complex!!!
This time it was a little different. Aren "Posted" an "announcement" on the fish tank stating just when the services would be held, (date & time) and where this would take place (in her upstairs bathroom) just like in the obituary column in the newspaper so we could plan to "put it on our calendars” to attend!
Again, Aren wrote a moving eulogy and now Goldie too has the required "headstone". (Lest we should forget!)
Now that Callie is all alone, Aren has decided she needs a friend to keep her company.
After Goldie was removed from the tank, Callie started sulking inside the hollow log in the tank. She doesn't come out and play around the tank anymore. Aren is quite concerned that if we don't get her a new "friend" Callie may die of a broken heart! After all... they had been "sisters".
And the saga of Goldilocks continues…